Camp Lakeridge

A quick video of our time spent this summer with Danielle's beautiful kids.

LOVE will save the day!!!

Love and Strength

The Original Tribute Video

Dear Family,

I'm putting the ORIGINAL TRIBUTE VIDEO to Danielle up here.
It's the one you all loved so much, with the great song, that YouTube and Facebook made me take down, because of the song.

So, I'm rebelling and putting it up here. Hopefully they won't find me.

I know Danielle would have loved this song and I know she loves the fact that we all have watched all these videos and are keeping her alive in our hearts and thoughts!

It was great to be with you guys today and as we all know, we are a broken (but healing) group, a family without their sister, daughter, mother and friend.

Love to all of you... and to our Danielle!! Many more videos in all the years ahead... keeping her with us.

Family 2009

Mother's Day, all the family gathered in your honor, my sweet sister.
A video with pictures from our day together, mixed with memories throughout the years.
You are loved and will always be remembered.

Love, Michelle

:::::Two Years:::::

My beatuiful sister,

I won't do it. I won't retrace the steps of the last time I saw you, the last time we spoke, the last anything. I won't say "two years ago today....". At least I'll try not to.

Today I want to celebrate your beautiful life. All the people who adored you.
Your generosity, your courage, your willingness to always cook a meal and invite people over.

You were a strong, brave Mother. I know that continues. I know that you are watching over your little ones, who are not so little anymore. Please know that YOU ARE ALIVE IN ALL OUR HEARTS, our memories and our daily thoughts.

Tomorrow, Mothers Day, we will spend with your Kids. Jenny is having a slumber party with them tonight (she'll probably put make-up on the girls while Jonah and Mark play video games) and I know they'll end up watching old videos of you, and them, through the years. Jenny was always so good at videotaping at all the family events. I'm so grateful that we have all that footage now.

Two years. I can't imagine it's been two years.

I'm grateful that your struggles and pain are over.
I know you are doing great things where you are.

I love you with all my heart.
Happy Mothers Day, my little sister.
You are a Beautiful Mother.




Love,
Michelle

Video Tribute To Danielle

music by jane ford.

Calling

It's Sunday night and calls are coming in from some of the siblings. Then I call some of the others. I need to hear their voices. Give them a pep talk for the start of their week. Make sure they know I love them.

And yet. It feels so incomplete.  I can't call Danielle.

I wish I could talk to her right now. I wish it was a different kind of Sunday night, at a different time, and I wish she was healthy and living her life and telling me about what her week was going to be like and updating me about the kids and reporting about a dance she went to the night before or telling me that Mom was driving her crazy or how excited she was to wear a new outfit she bought (and bragging about the size she wears now).  I wish all of that could be discussed during a phone call between the two of us. Now. I wish it could happen now. 

It feels so incomplete. Like I'm calling roll and everyone is saying "here" and then I call her name and she can't say "here".  

I will never stop calling her name.

I love you my beautiful sister. I miss you so much. Every day.

Love,

Michelle

No Matter What

I love this picture of my Dad with Danielle.  It was taken in the backyard of The Serenade Lane House, sometime in 1972/early 1973 I'm guessing.  

We were still one big, growing family, under one roof, living the daily crazy that was being a Boyaner on Serenade Lane at that time.

The photo was put away...somewhere in a box or an  album and I hadn't seen it in years. Decades. And then. And then she was gone. Danielle was gone and I wanted to see every single picture that had ever been taken of her.  I wanted to study every smile, every outfit, every haircut.  

I wanted to remember what she sounded like, what she smelled like.  Her laugh. Her smirk.

And then I found this picture.  Most definitely capturing a time when both my Dad and Danielle had so much of their lives ahead of them.  

My dad has always adored his children. You always knew that. He hugged, kissed, ran after, danced with and whistled to us. If you were lucky, he even sang his little "deedle dum" happy song while you were with him. 

As an adult, Danielle loved to invite my dad over for dinner.  It brought her an enormous amount of pride to cook for him.  I'm sure her memories of days like the day when this photo was taken, when it was all just starting out, still his little yollie bird... filled her heart with hope for a brighter future.

I know my Dad is filled with sorrow over the loss of our beautiful Danielle.  I hope he can find comfort in knowing that she always knew how much he loved her.  No matter what.

Danielle's Eulogy

I've been thinking so much about Danielle lately.

More accurately, I think about her everyday, but lately she's been all around me.

After she passed away, I talked to her, as if we were doing an iChat, but without the cameras.
I wish we could iChat. I wish she could be my friend on Facebook. I wish she was receiving the family text's that Lisa sends everyone, telling them that she loves them or wishing us all a good night. I wish, with all my heart, that she were still here, with us. Healthy and alive. But I know she is at peace. Healthy, resting, at peace.

Anyway.... (not a smooth transition, I realize) recently my mother asked me if I had a copy of my eulogy from Danielle's funeral. That day is such a blurry memory. So many feelings, no words to describe it. But I did find a copy of the Eulogy I wrote, my "letter to Danielle" and I thought I'd post it here:

May 16, 2007

" First of all, I want to thank all of you for coming today. I also want to express my deep gratitude, with all my heart, to my family and dear friends who have filled me with love and light and the strength to stand before you today… and do this for my sister Danielle.

Dear Danielle, my sweet sister.

These people, these loved ones. Your children, your family, your friends. They’re all here for you. How comforting it is to know that you can see us.

I hope you like my suit. I went with navy instead of black.

I thought you’d like that.

Since I’m writing this letter to you the night before your funeral, I can’t be sure how it’s going so far, but I can assure you that I begged mom to write out her thoughts ahead of time. I’m crossing my fingers that she did so and that she didn’t “ramble” too much.

She told me that if she did ramble, I could give her “the sign” that you usually gave her when she was rambling. She said you would hold up a finger to signal her.

I’m wondering which finger. I’m hoping I didn’t have to use it.

Since we talked so much about how your life would make an incredible movie, I thought I’d just write out some of the most memorable scenes here and share them with everyone.

Scene: September 15, 1971- Yet another child is born to Morris & Elaine Boyaner. She joins her older brother Greg and sisters Michelle & Lisa.

She is blonde, and is named Danielle Heather, but is given the nickname of “Yoli Bird” by her Father who absolutely adores her.

The Boyaners are beginning to fill up their house on Serenade Lane in Huntington Beach.

Scene: An average afternoon in the early 1970’s in The Boyaner house on Serenade Lane. Young Danielle sits in front of the mirror in the middle bathroom applying lipstick. She kisses the mirror, leaving her lip prints, then reapplies the lipstick and kisses the mirror again. She repeats this several times. When she is not applying lipstick and kissing the mirror, she sits in front of the mirror and uses a hairbrush as a microphone and auditions for imaginary commercials. She is excellent and should consider getting an agent.

Scene: Another average afternoon on Serenade Lane and Young Danielle is dancing across the room and the sunlight is streaming in through the

windows, passing over a pile of unfolded laundry and falling onto Danielle’s beautiful blonde hair. She is a joy to watch.

Scene: School Picture Day, any year between Kindergarten and 4^th Grade. Danielle goes back to her favorite spot in front of the mirror and, unsupervised, cuts her bangs in a fashion-forward ‘criss cross’ pattern.

Many school pictures serve as proof of this tradition.

Scene: Mid 1970’s and Danielle and her sister Lisa are playing with Barbie’s. Danielle selflessly volunteers to use the “bad barbies” and offers up one of her Barbie’s to have its haircut and be used as “the boyfriend”.

At this point in her movie, we have several scenes showing her younger siblings Jenny, David and Matthew being born. The family is complete and… big. Danielle announces during these years that she wants to have 10 children.

At this point, we’re going to move forward to Danielle graduating from Ocean View High School in 1988, otherwise this is going to be a really long movie.

Scene: 1988 Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach. Right out of high school, Danielle begins working at the hospital and finds great joy in serving others. She spends time with many very ill patients and always reaches out to them with compassion and empathy and makes many dear friends during this time.

Scene: Danielle falls in love with the Polynesian Culture and People and attends college at BYU Hawaii. When back at home she sings with a Polynesian choir and makes many wonderful friends. Imagine a beautiful sunset and that is how warm her heart was from all the love she felt from her friends.

Scene: 1993. Danielle serves a mission for the Mormon Church in Cleveland, Ohio and returns home earlier than expected due to the onset of some health issues.

Scene: 1996. Danielle marries Soe and between 1997 and 1999 they have four beautiful children: Malia, Tatiana, Briana & Jonah. They were very busy.

Scene: There are babies everywhere. Danielle’s sister Jenny comes over and helps take care of all these babies. Sometimes she even sneaks out with a twin. Or two.

Scene: Numerous afternoons in Huntington Beach from 2001 thru 2007. Danielle has many lunch dates with her father. They eat curry. They talk. They enjoy each other’s company. Dad usually ends up with a bit of curry on his shirt and Danielle with the leftovers in a to-go container.

Danielle and her father share a beautiful friendship.

Scene: Any one of many, many backyard birthday parties at our brother David & Sister-in-law Dana’s house spent celebrating with all the brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and Papa and Elaine. All of us eating too much cake and not applying enough sunscreen. Danielle’s brother Matt would usually be in the midst of the children, showing them the proper way to kick a soccer ball or just to give them a big hug. He made it a habit to stand next to his sister Danielle and put his arm around her and rest his head on her shoulder. The sister’s Lisa, Danielle & Jenny would sometimes gather in the kitchen and marvel at how all their children are growing up so fast.

At all these parties we see Danielle’s children playing with their cousins and aunts and uncles but many times they are seen just hanging around their mother, as if she is a rock star and they are her entourage.

Scene: Danielle and her mother Elaine are like their own version of Thelma & Louise, without the guns. Along with the children, they share a home and stick together thru thick and thin. They are their own unique, beautiful, multi-generational family. At one point, Danielle’s older brother Greg moves in with them and brings love, companionship and his little dog Puca. The family becomes even more unique.

The following scenes will all be shown in a montage. You know, during the movie where they quickly show a bunch of different things while a great song plays in the background? Yeah, that’s a montage.

So in this montage, Danielle’s children are growing older and more beautiful and she bravely faces the onset of many health problems. All during this time she digs deep within herself to find the courage to continue. The song we’ll play during this montage is “Through The Rain” by Mariah Carey. I choose this song because she loved Mariah Carey. Listened to her music all the time. Found great joy in it. I wish I knew Mariah Carey. If I did, I would have asked her to sing that song right now.

Instead, I’ll just read you the lyrics while you imagine my beautiful sister, this incredible woman who loved her children more than anything, who faced unimaginable challenges with strength and humor and I’ll say it again, with courage, and did the absolute best she could.

I can make it through

the rain

I can stand up once again

On my own

And I know

That I’m strong enough to mend

And every time I feel afraid

I hold tighter to my faith

And I live

One more day

And I make it through

the rain...

And that’s the last scene of her movie.

And she would want us to hold tight to our faith and be strong and with my dear sweet sister watching over us all, we will make it through the rain.

Everyone here who has the chance, please send your love and prayers to Danielle’s beautiful children who are now being raised by their loving Grandmother Upu.

Danielle’s children were her everything.

They are the continuation of her movie, and they will be her happy ending.

So now, I’ll end this letter to you, Danielle. And I’ll end by telling you that we are all left with a hole in our hearts but we’ll hold strong to the belief that you are no longer in pain and that you have begun the next part of your journey.

All my love,

Your big sister Michelle"